Waiting

So we are now to the point in this adoption where there is a lot of waiting. Our agency has the majority of our paperwork for the dossier (large amount of documents that China requires for adoption)- other than a few minor tweaks to a few documents that we will be sending back to them soon.

We also know that US immigration has received our application for approval to adopt from China and are waiting to get the official approval back from them. We also have to get fingerprinted again. Kind of silly since we just had it done in August for our initial application for adoption (and fingerprints don't change), but what can you do. Obviously we will do whatever is necessary to get our child, but there are definitely some adoption related things that make you scratch your head.

In the meantime I thought I would answer some questions I have received lately:

1- There is more of a need for families for boys from China?
It's definitely a common misconception that there are only girls available from China, mostly because of the one child policy that has been in affect there until recently. I was surprised myself! This blog does a good job of explaining why there are so many boys to be adopted: https://mineinchina.wordpress.com/how-did-you-get-a-boy/
But, the basic rundown is that there is a lot of domestic (within country) adoption in China right now and healthy girls are definitely desired. Also, if there is a child born out of wedlock, the stigma that follows the parents is the same, regardless of the gender of the baby. Finally, there is a rise of birth defects in China due mostly to pollution and industrialization, so with the one child policy and the lack of social services, these children (regardless of gender) are the ones put in orphanages.



2- What is next?
We are currently on the list of families waiting for children from our agency. They get periodic updates (a couple of times a month) from the orphanages they work with in China with the children that are available. Since our home study is complete, we could be matched anytime with children with more "moderate to severe" special needs (i.e. spina bifida, missing limbs, or a combination of two or more minor special needs- cleft lip/palate and clubfoot, for example). Once our dossier is submitted to China, we are then eligible to be matched with kids with more "minor" special needs such as cleft lip/palate, clubfoot, treated syphilis, etc. Once we get matched, we have two weeks to accept or decline the match (although we have been very specific with our "child profile" with our agency so we're optimistic that we will not be declining), then we have to wait on some more paperwork (such as a LOA or Letter of Acceptance from China), then we can travel to China to get our daughter within a few months! The sooner the better obviously, but we appreciate the time to make travel arrangements!


3-Why China?
Well, we decided that international adoption was the way we wanted to go for a variety of reasons. Firstly, we are alright with an older child, not an infant, as are most common with domestic (within America) adoptions. Secondly, most domestic adoptions are very open, and being military and moving around as often as we do, we could not always guarantee that we would be able to give the birth mother the contact that she desired. Third, the timeline is very unpredictable with domestic adoption, as you don't know when a biological mother will choose you.

All that being said, we chose China because of the more predictable timelines (usually a year at most from application to completion), the criteria for adoption (ages of parents, length of marriage, amount of biological children allowed, etc.), the amount of children in orphanages and in need of homes and health care for their special needs, and the timeline for travel (different countries require different length of travel as well as amount of trips- China requires one trip of 7-10 days, which is ideal for Nick's schedule and our boys). In learning more about China, we are very intrigued by the rich culture, especially the festivals and hope to bring them in as part of our family traditions in the future.

4- Why are you adopting now? Why not have more biological children?
As I've mentioned before, adoption is part of my family legacy (my mom, uncle & brother were all adopted), so to me, it is a natural way to expand one's family and provide a home for a child who does not otherwise have one. I never had a negative experience with my pregnancies or anything, but I feel as though the desire to have biological children has been met by our two beautiful boys. and God put the desire to adopt on my heart. I have absolutely no "baby fever" right now, but would love to bring an older baby or toddler into our home. Obviously, adoption has its own challenges, but in my mind, they are less intense than balancing a newborn with our energetic boys. 

We also felt that now was a really good time for us to adopt, as Nick's schedule is very predictable with graduate school rather than the Army. So, we thought that we would take advantage!

5- Are the boys coming with you to China?
No, we are planning on leaving them in America with grandparents while Nick and I travel. Since it is a shorter trip, it would be a lot with the time difference and amount of travel involved. Also, this will be the first time we meet our daughter, so we definitely want to start out trying to attach with her without the distraction of the boys.

Well, that is all of the questions and answers that I can think of for now! We will continue to keep you all updated as things progress. Keep praying!

Moving Along

Things are moving along pretty steadily on the adoption front! Our home study was reviewed and approved by the agency and we have our official copies in hand!

Which means that I was able to send off two packages this week of paperwork, woohoo! One went to immigration, and that is the last piece of paperwork we'll need for the dossier (big packet of paperwork) to be sent to China. It is possible that this one piece of paperwork could take up to 3 months to get back to us, but we're hoping and praying it will be quicker. I've heard it has been taking around 3-4 weeks lately.

The other package was sent to our adoption agency and it was all of the rest of the paperwork to the dossier! If you're curious how much paperwork is required for the dossier, this is what I sent to be translated and ready for China:

My favorite part is the pictures of our family and house for our file:

The good news is, we are on our agency's family list for a match, so it could really be any time that we'll get a match with our child and have 2 weeks to accept! Oh, and almost immediately after I wrote my last update, our social worker got ahold of us and decided that since we're adopting a girl, there wouldn't be any real competition from our boys and the age range could be opened back up to 0-4 years old. So, still lots of question marks as far as age and when we will get a match and be able to travel and get her, but we are definitely trusting in God's timing and trying to be patient!

So for now, pretty much everything in our power is done, now we just wait on others to get things done. Still some work to be done as far as applying for adoption grants to help with some of the expenses though.

Thank you again for all of your prayers! We are all so excited to find out more about the little girl (crazy to say that!) that God is going to bring into our family!

Done with Home Study!

Things moved pretty quickly once all of our home study paperwork was submitted. Our social worker got in contact with us and we were able to schedule and complete two interviews/home inspections with her! She was lovely and everything went really well. It was basically just answering a lot of questions and we apparently "meet or exceed the China adoption requirements". Definitely a relief to have that huge step over with!

We have already reviewed the rough draft of her report and it is on the way to the China team for their approval. After that, it will get sent to the head of our adoption agency for approval and then it will be done! Then we can send it to US Immigration for immigration approval and then all of the paperwork gets sent to the agency to send to China! It seems like we have some good momentum going for us right now and we're praying that continues because it could still be months. This is the part where we have to exercise a lot of patience while paperwork gets approved and sent back to us.

All we're really waiting for at this point is the home study and Immigration approval though. My birthday is on the 21st, so it can really be anytime after I am 30 years old. Obviously, the sooner the better though! We're anxious to find out more about the child that God wants to add to our family!

On that note, we did officially state that we would like a girl between 0-2 years old. Our social worker and agency strongly encouraged keeping birth order whenever possible and they have been seeing kids as young as 9 months old recently (we had previously heard 18 months), with a somewhat shorter turnaround time after you submit all of the paperwork (possibly 3-6 months for a girl where we had previously heard 6-9 months). We prayed a lot about it because we would absolutely love a boy. However, we really feel like a girl would be a good balance to our family and busy, busy boys! And we were able to research and decide on which possible special needs that we would be willing to take on as well.

So, lots of exciting stuff is done, and now we wait! Thank you all for all of your support and prayers! Keep them coming!

Home Study Paperwork Submitted!

I've gotten a lot of questions about the progress of our adoption and I am happy to report that we have officially submitted all of our home study paperwork to our adoption agency today!

We were (im)patiently waiting on Nick's doctor to get us his form for his physical and he finally got it in hand! So, that is all (finally!) being E-mailed to the agency for review and then we will be able to set up our home study with our social worker! I didn't anticipate the giddiness I would feel getting to finally push send on that E-mail. Finally, some real progress!

In the meantime, we're making great strides collecting all of the paperwork for our dossier (massive amount of paperwork for China) and should hopefully be able to submit that on or around my 30th birthday next month...eeek!

It feels good to finally be able to see some tangible progress in the mess of paperwork! Especially since some sweet friends of ours are currently in China adopting their sweet baby girl. We are so incredibly excited for them and seek out their updates. Eventually it will be our turn!

We're still thankfully at the point where all of the unknowns (gender, age, travel dates) are exciting. We know that God knows exactly who our child is and it is not a point of stress. Although, it is starting to become more real and we are excited (Eli, in particular, is wanting us to go get this kid sooner rather than later)!

Keep praying friends, for our sweet child and family, for continued efficiency moving forward, for patience with the progress and for trust in God, since He already knows all of the details!

Birthday Questions

As of Monday, I now have a 2 year old! It seems like the second year of his life has flown by in the blink of an eye. We were randomly watching some older videos today and it is amazing how much my little man has grown and changed, even in the span of a few months. He is looking more and more like a kid rather than a baby. It's been a little bit emotional for me, realizing how quickly he is growing up!

That being said, he's a really fun kid and I really do enjoy the time that we spend together. In true toddler fashion, he is wild and crazy one moment, then snuggly the next. He amazes me with all that he takes in and observes about the world around him. He has an incredible memory and keeps me on my toes! He's constantly on the move and loves all things motorized. He's pretty awesome.

We just returned back home from visiting family in California for 3 weeks. Eli was very much celebrated for his birthday (2 birthday parties and a trip to the zoo) and we got to visit with and spend lots of time with family. Then, we flew back he the day after his actual birthday, so I haven't even had a chance to give him the presents that Nick and I got him! Then, we're having a birthday party at a park in a few weeks! We tend to celebrate birthdays for as long as possible in my family, ha ha!

One thing that I did do which was tons of fun was ask Eli a bunch of questions (which I am hoping to continue every year on his birthday). I was surprised that he actually answered the vast majority of the questions that I asked and was pretty amused by the answers! I may have to make a video of Him answering questions next year. Anyway, Ahere are his answers:

1- What is your favorite color? Blue (totally thought it was red!)
2- What is your favorite toy/thing to play with? Ella (his girlfriend), zebra
3- What is your favorite fruit? Blueberries, fruit snacks
4- What is your favorite show? Dada (Nick reading books), Blues Clues
5- What is your favorite food? No answer
6- What is your favorite outfit? Monster truck shirt
7- What is your favorite game? Pow pows/battle (playing with the Army men we use as our deployment countdown)
8- What is your favorite snack? Fruit snacks
9- What is your favorite animal? Pig, E-I-ei-o
10- What is your favorite song? Old McDonald- "E-I-EI-O"
11- What is your favorite book? Eli's notebook (he colors in a little notepad)
12- Who is your best friend? Ella
13- What is your favorite cereal? Chex
14- What is your favorite thing to do outside? Have fun, slide
15-'What is your favorite drink? Milk
16- What is your favorite holiday? Easter (had to help a lot with this question)
17- Who do you like to take in bed with you? Dada (his Daddy doll)
18- What is your favorite breakfast food? Chex
19-'What is your favorite letter? U
20-'What is your favorite number? 2
21- What is your favorite place? Swimming

The only one he couldn't really answer was what he wanted to be when he grows up, but I don't think he quite gets the concept of a job yet. Especially since Nick's work is "a really long trip" at the moment.

Amusing answers, nonetheless! Silly kid

Weary

"Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

And, we have reached the point in this deployment where I am officially over it. As much as we have behind us, it still feels like there is a long way to go. The day to day is just starting to wear on me. It's not like I'm ripping my hair out at the end if the day every day (although I have my moments- mostly with the dogs, not Eli), but it's just hard doing everything myself. The cooking, the cleaning, the caregiving, the shopping. It's just a lot for one person. And no matter how many breaks I have or little hands that help, at the end of the day, it's still all ultimately up to me.

And, I just really miss my husband.

Thankfully, we are just shy of four months done. There are a lot of rumors swirling around again about extensions also, so we may or may not be approaching the halfway mark. Please pray that this deployment is only nine months, or if it is extended, it doesn't go all the way to a year. Because the thought of Nick missing a year of Eli's life is really breaking my heart. Nine months is plenty long, as it is.

But, like I said, they're just rumors at this point and I'm trying not to stress when nothing definitive has been decided. And I know that God is ultimately in control.

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?...therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:27, 34

So please just keep us in your prayers. We do have some trips and visitors coming up that will help this funk a bit as well.

In the Struggle

One of my devotionals recently talked about how "a Spanish response given colloquially to the common greeting 'Como estas?' ('how are you?') is 'Aqui en la lucha,' which means 'Here in the struggle".

Boy, can I relate! We have been busy, busy, busy! Thus, the lack of updates. As much as I'm used to the "normal" of Nick being gone by now, it is still a lot of work taking care of Eli, the dogs, and our house all by my lonesome. And, of course, we've had to make sure we're getting some social time too!

I finally attended a unit coffee (only took me about 6 months!), got to celebrate my birthday at a painting studio with some fun ladies, and have had some nice dinners with fellow wives whose hubbies are gone. We're also enjoying the military wives bible study through our church, and Eli is getting more and more comfortable with the church nursery and babysitters!

There have been some especially challenging times in the past couple months, like a bout of the stomach flu for Eli, a bunch of lights going out in my house, very cold weather, lots of rumors swirling around the military (extending deployments, not paying the troops, etc.) and potty training! But, God was faithful as usual, and got us through even the very long days.

I thought that we might live in the bathroom for the first few days of potty training, and we practically did. I also felt like I had a newborn again, since we were so tied to trips to the potty. Definitely would have been much easier with Nick home, but what can ya do. Thankfully, things have gotten much better since. Eli can now (usually) go at least an hour between bathroom visits and usually only has 1-2 accidents a day. I would say that we're still in the process of potty training, but not bad for only a little more than 2 weeks in! He is very excited about his new big boy underwear and if we're both on top of it, there is a lot of success! We're getting there!

Eli is also continuing to amaze me with how much he learns and grows every day. Apparently, he's actually been listening when I've been trying to teach him stuff! He'll randomly recognize letters, numbers and shapes and has pretty much mastered colors. He sure keeps me on my toes, but he also keeps things interesting, that's for sure!

The biggest accomplishment lately for Eli has been that he will finally put himself to sleep! I take a lot of responsibility for this, but he was so incredibly slow to put to bed, at least for me (less so for others, little stinker!). I have no idea what the turning point was, but it just clicked one day that his world would not end if I left the room before he fell asleep, and we haven't turned back! Totally life changing and such a nice break for me!

I'm doing pretty well too. Continuing to work out and eat better and I'm definitely seeing the results. I've done some fun fitness challenges, like one in January where I did a progression of push-ups every day and did almost 500 push-ups by the end of the month! I feel very buff! The instructor of the stroller workout class we go to even tried to recruit me to be an instructor! I definitely took that as a compliment.

Otherwise, just kind of powering through. I'm still anxiously awaiting the day when Nick will finally be home, and it does still seem a ways off, but I know we'll get there. We're actually almost to the halfway point, God willing (I'm not counting on anything until he's actually on a plane) and have made it through 110 days so far!

We have some fun stuff coming up in the next few months, so hopefully I'll have the motivation to write more (can't say blogging is super high on my list the only time my child holds still- when he's asleep). Until then...