Reality

Reality is starting to set in. It was the same during the last deployment, and while Nick was at Ranger School for 3 months this summer. The first few days, there is a good amount of denial and just a fog surrounding life. And then it starts to sink in that he's really gone. And the fact that we have a long road ahead. And being a geographically single parent is tiring. Between keeping busy and taking care of Eli full time, I'm tired.

I think what really made it sink in today was sorting laundry, of all things. Seeing his clothes that won't be worn for 9 months. It was just an all too present reminder of our reality. Which is probably why I got into crazy cleaning mode the past few days and tidied up all of his things left throughout the house. I just don't want those reminders all the time.

Don't get me wrong, it really was an alright day today. It's just that that underlying sadness that I had before grew a bit and it's starting to sink in. But I don't have time to just sit and mope. Life goes on. And I have an adorably sweet little monkey to take care of and play with and be present with. And battle buddies to commiserate with. And family to talk to. And those deployment goals to work on. And my husband to pray for and FaceTime with (praise God for technology!)

And I have a God who is faithful and will see us through:
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-39 ESV)